A few thoughts as a working mother of two grown up kids.

1. Having kids should not be a checkbox in life. This is true for both men and women. Unfortunately, as with too many things to list, nature puts women at a painful disadvantage in terms of the timeframe in which such a decision needs to be made.

2. Nature also requires human babies to be raised by two parents that are equally committed to the process of doing so. That is clearly not the case in most societies and cultures. Ironically, western countries that are lacking in social safety nets are worse off in this regard compared to more traditional societies with a strong familial support system in place.

3. In spite of the above, while quitting one’s career and staying at home to take care of kids may look good on paper, it also leads deep resentments that many are loathe to admit. An awful lot depends on one’s partner but the key is for men to stop thinking of child rearing as part of their duty to make their partner happy and instead to be fully vested in the well-being of their child. Ideally this should come naturally to all men (may be I am used to one who just happens to be that way), but typical male upbringing and the pervasive cultures do precious little to foster it.

4. Ultimately, after all the hard work and sacrifices, grown kids can be a source of utmost joy, bliss and an inner peace that is hard to describe. Yes, things can go wrong at any and every step but persistence pays off as with anything else. Are the sacrifices worth it? This is a question that can have a different answer depending on individual circumstances but alas, there is no crystal ball to know this 20+ years ahead of time.